La Parisienne Pâtés
290 Lygon Street
An hour after the last, miserable crumbs had been wiped from the squeaky laminex kitchen table and from the bright green plastic chairs that appeared even more ghastly after such an inadequate lunch, I got an apology from my boss. She wanted me to know that, even though it had been at my suggestion, she didn’t blame me for the Foodie Friday fail. She had just been really upset, disappointed and hungry, and it’d taken her an hour to get over it.
To be fair, we didn’t get off to a good start. Amidst the carnage of annual reports, our Foodie Friday research which usually starts on Monday had fallen by the wayside, and we’d had to make a desperate last-minute decision. At my suggestion, we chose La Parisienne Pâtés on Lygon St – a French charcuterie and delicatessen abundantly filled with cured meats, cheeses, terrines, pâtés and macarons.
Although I had been there before and had been moderately happy with the homemade burgundy pie I received, this time there were omens. Charlotte said she had thought it was average and didn’t recommend it. Rick’s car, the Foodie Friday transportation unit, was blocked in by City West Water labourers in the back lane, and when we did finally get out and drove up to Lygon Street we had to drive around the block twenty times before finding a park. Really, we should have given up there and then.
When we finally made it to the deli, we were met with a plentiful display of deliciousness. We sampled the salami and sopresa. Delicious. We sampled the homemade terrine. Divine! Thank goodness, we thought, we’re onto a good thing. How wrong we were. We promptly ordered four burgundy pies, a chicken and mushroom pie, two baguettes with rabbit terrine and cornichons, a tiny salad (i.e. lettuce) which cost $8, a chocolate éclair and a piece of lemon tart. While they put everything in bags, Scott went all the way down Lygon Street, ordered two coffees, waited til they got made and came back. Perfect timing *cough*. There was no homemade relish to go with the homemade pies so we took with us some ordinary tomato sauce in plastic containers for 50c a pop.
Piling back into Rick’s car, I (quite logically, I thought) popped the plastic bag full of Foodie Friday anticipation onto the baby seat for safekeeping. We set off back to work with empty stomachs and lead feet. Unfortunately Rick’s lead foot meant he also had to slam his foot on the brakes which sent one of the baguettes in the Foodie Friday bounty flying onto the floor and spreading its insides far and wide. Amidst our cries and utterances, I promptly gathered the fallen soldier back up and popped the innards back into the bread roll. Brilliant work, I thought. Judy will be none the wiser.
We hopped out of the car, dodging stray pickles and clearing up spilt tomato sauce, sidestepped a syringe (no needle stick injuries) and traipsed back into work where our colleagues eagerly awaited us. Unfortunately…
The pies were cold. As in, they hadn’t been heated.
We put them in the crappy work kitchen oven thing.
We burnt the tops of the pies.
Their insides were cold.
They were mostly pastry.
They averaged four measly pieces of meat each.
The baguettes were sans butter and therefore dry.
The lemon tart and éclair were alright and the homemade terrine filling the baguettes was perfectly rich and flavoursome, but it was pretty hard to make concessions after such a bitter and unforgiving disappointment.
So, our first Foodie Friday #FAIL. All in all a disappointing experience, though more so for some than others.